is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
