he thought i was a dude.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
