My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
