You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
