Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
