Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize