i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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