We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
