If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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