Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just blew my weed a kiss
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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