I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
