Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
