did you get engaged???
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
