oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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