ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
