Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
