Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
