We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
