No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize