theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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