im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
