I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
