this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
