i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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