I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
