Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
