I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
