I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
