There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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