i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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