he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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