i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize