ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
