no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
