i was born a porn star she said
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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