You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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