I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
