Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize