That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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