alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
