I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
