would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize