If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
