Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
