dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
time to smoke my breakfast
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
