Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
