Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
