there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dick has a subreddit
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
