Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
