It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize