i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
