i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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