I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
