now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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