my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
