my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
