I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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