yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize