Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
