I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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