I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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