DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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