I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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