So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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