I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
