just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize