I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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