I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
