I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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