Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
