So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
