YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
