first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize