so that wasnt chicken after all
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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