Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
