Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
