umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
