thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
