I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
