Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
