I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
