Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So squirting runs in the family.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
