Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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