Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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