Don't make out with my wife yet
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
