my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
