When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
