Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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