my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
