im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
