could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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