epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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