Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize