Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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