Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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