I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
