I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize