he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
