He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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