dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize