I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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