I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize